Common Reactions of Parents and Caregivers Following a Child's Disclosure of Sexual Abuse

Learning that a child has experienced sexual abuse can be one of the most difficult and overwhelming moments a parent or caregiver may ever face. When a child discloses abuse, it is common for trusted adults to experience a wide range of emotions and reactions, often all at once. Shock, anger, sadness, guilt, confusion, fear, disbelief, and a strong desire to protect the child are all natural responses to deeply distressing information.

Every person's reaction is different, and there is no "right" or "wrong" way to feel. Many caregivers find themselves struggling to process what they have learned while also trying to support their child through a challenging and emotional time. It is important to remember that your response can play a significant role in helping a child feel safe, believed, and supported as they begin to heal.

Understanding the emotions and challenges that often follow a disclosure can help caregivers recognize that their reactions are normal and that support is available for both themselves and their child. The information below outlines some of the most common responses experienced by parents and caregivers and offers guidance for navigating this difficult journey with compassion, patience, and care.

Common Reactions of Parents and Caregivers

1. Denial Your first reaction may be not to believe or accept the possibility that your child has been abused, or you may believe that the abuse did not occur but that no real or lasting harm was done to your child. Parents often experience denial because it is too overwhelming to accept that the abuse occurred and that there will be after-effects.

2. Anger At times you may feel angry with yourself for not protecting your child and angry with the perpetrator for what they did. You may even feel angry with your child. Try not to act out anger on your child. Be honest about your feelings and share them with a trusted friend or relative.

3. Helplessness You may not know what to expect and may feel that things are out of your control. You may even fear that your child may be taken away from you. A law enforcement officer or Child Protective Services personnel will be able to address your concerns and answer your questions as well as provide you with information about what will happen in the future.

4. Guilt and Self-Blame You may feel that what happened to your child is your fault, that there was something you could have done to prevent the abuse from occurring, or that you should have somehow sensed that the abuse was happening. It is important to remember that the perpetrator is responsible for the abuse, not you or your child.

5. Hurt and Betrayal It is normal to feel hurt by the loss of your child's innocence. You may also have lost a spouse, partner, relative or friend if that person was the perpetrator. It is natural to feel betrayed by a person that was close to you and your family when they have caused injury to your child.

6. Sexual Inadequacy Some parents believe that the offender turned to the child because their relations with them were not adequate. However research shows us that sexual relations with an adult partner do not affect a person's likelihood to abuse or not to abuse children.

7. Fear of Violence You may fear that the offender will try to harm you, your child or your family. If you have these concerns please talk to the police or a victim advocate regarding steps that you may take.

8. Loss of Privacy You may be concerned that others in the community will hear about what has happened to your child. Child abuse investigations are performed in a confidential manner and information will be shared only among team members. Your child's name will not appear in the newspaper. You should use care in what you tell others to prevent complicating or confusing matters in any way.

9. Confusion: Why Didn't My Child Tell Me? It is common for a child not to tell their parents about the abuse. The abuser may have threatened the child with harm, saying that the abuser will get in trouble if the child tells, that a parent will be mad at them, that the child will be taken away from their parents, or that a parent or pet will be harmed if they tell. Even young children feel protective toward their parents and refrain from doing or saying anything that will upset them. Reassure your child that telling someone was very brave and the right thing to do.

While every family's experience is unique, understanding these common reactions can help parents and caregivers navigate this challenging time with greater awareness and compassion. Caring for a child after a disclosure of sexual abuse often begins with caring for yourself as well. Seeking support, asking questions, and accessing available resources can help you better support your child’s healing and your own.

*Adapted from “Forensic Evaluation of Children” by Connie Nicholas Carnes at the National Children’s Advocacy Center.